Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Check Yourself Before You Rape Yourself !

Check Yourself Before you Rape Yourself !

By: Rob White

Photo Captions By: Swart Space

The last time I went to a Hip-Hop party in Cape Town I was almost anally raped by anti-social manic depressed Rasta’s and guys dressed up like they shop from thrift shops in leper colonies. Cape Town used to the idealized romantic Hip-Hop Mecca of South Africa but alas it was a lie, but the end of 2008 is looking like a good time to reinvent the scene, anything can happen these days. Just as that bitch ass Thabo Mbeki.

It’s on the re-up again with a new party called Beat Street which is at Cybar on Rondebosch main road, opposite the Pick ‘n Pay.

The party goes down every second Tuesday and is hosted by DJ’s Nick Knuckles and Chapampa. I went last week and was a bit skeptical. It was good surprise though, I never thought they would be banging some of my favourite shit in the club! I heard everything from The Roots to Wu Tang Clan to Pete Rock and CL Smooth. When last have you heard Das Efx in a club?

Checkity check yourself before you wreck yourself
CAUSE big dicks in your ass IS bad FOR your health.

There is no entrance fee and the other dope thing about it is that there is a buy one gets one free special from 5 to 8 pm. You can buy beers buy the bucket load .For real, if you’ve only got 40 bucks you’ll be sorted for the night!

One thing I never understood about some heads was the way they dressed, rocking outright silly shit like nasty spider web looking hairdos and massive specs, but I’d rather be chilling amongst cheap fuck weirdoes than a bunch of borderline fags at places like Tiger Tiger and the Roman Catholic Church. Sweat stains on a pink shirt is not a good look.

The one downside though (if you know these parts), is that all those crusty cock faces which inhabited the Starlight Diner down the road have now migrated to take sanctity there. We can deal with them, plus who cares when you have all these fine honeys to look at!

Hope to see there soon, and remember “It’s not what you drink. It’s what you spike.”-The Ladies Man

For a group of people that literally rule the world, white people are actually on some savage homo erectus caveman shit. This sorry son of a bitch looks like a giant roll of pidgeon shit dipped in mohair.

This is my friend Kayrab the Crab Dan . He gets the name from all the pussy that he eats. Good reason to smile.

The 80's are back baby! WOO!Cyndi Lauper Rocks! Woo! Aids rocks baby!!and along with it came yella girls with snoek fish pout smiles waiting for me to moisten their faces with my special protein skin firming lotion extracted from the deep forests OF DEEZ NUTS BABY!

Rob White. A.K.A MR. I love Virgin Active. I remeber the times when Rob would literally cry if he didnt eat at least three chip and cheese roti's a day. Youve done well. Now you just need to stay off that Heroin.

Like Eddie Griffin said on Dr Dre's 2001 Chronic, " Thirsty ass bitches". But at least these girls buy drinks and dont just dance around a hand bag the whole night waiting for The Ladies Man to buy them a drink.

Like my white gardener would say "eish".Cape Town has always been short of black talent, but these girls are probably from Johannesburg, Midrand or somewhere like that. But hey!fuck what i say, i'm just a hater man! pay no mind to what i say because i know your attention is being sucked in by the telekinetic power of the girl on the lefts fore head.

PLEASE Take that tie and put it to good use and lynch yourself you southern geechie porch monkey. Youre not Avril Lavigne and you dont work at the JSE. AND I CAN SEE YOURE A FELLOW WITH NO MANNERS. YOURE NOT A GENTLEMAN, WHERES YOUR BOWLER HAT NIGGA?..THAT SAID,PLEASE DONT SHANK ME IN THE CLUB.I KNOW WHO YOU ARE

Where do you hide money from a hippie? under the soap! Fuck getting them Engen garage pepper steak pies after the club, this girl came to the club with a whole Milk tart. But knowing hippies, she probably put her breast milk in in the tart.

Whats up? you guys have athritis or something?


Heavy, real heavy shit. Mars attacks. gotta find a bunker quick!

Looks like the Forrest Whitaker/Rza look is in these days.. get your lazy eye on baby!! and what the fuck is up with the Jimmy Hendrix cum rag blouse? but whatever yo, the girl on the left definetly deserves to get an honorary wank before i go to bed tonite.[i'm actually pressing print on your pic right now] but please Cut your friend off!! we dont need foreskins and we dont need appendix's. cut that shit off!

All in all...check out Beat Street every Tuesday.

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